Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Call to Arms! (In a non-treasonous sort of way.)

We all can agree that the Obama Eligibility Controversy is very serious business.

But over at that other site, that is they can agree upon.

1. Some people say Obama wasn't born in Hawaii, but was rather born:
a. Maybe in Kenya; or
b. Maybe in Indonesia; or
c. Maybe in Canada; or
d. Maybe Alaska (let's return "that one" to the Former Soviet Union!).

2. Some people say Obama was in Hawaii, but wasn't naturally born there because:
a. A poker player, a health-store owner, and a self-proclaimed internet powerhouse all said so (and how do I get a title like "internet powerhouse"? Can I just give it to myself?)
b. If you rearrange the letters in certain court cases, it spells out, "Stig has been dead for ages, really."
c. Obama was from his mother's womb untimely ripped.

3. Some people say he was a natural born citizen, but the electors improperly voted for him because each player gets six cards, except for the player on the dealer's right, who gets seven. The second card is turned up, except on Tuesdays. Two jacks are a "half-fizzbin". If you have a half-fizzbin: a third jack is a "shralk" and results in disqualification; one wants a king and a deuce, except at night, when one wants a queen and a four; if a king had been dealt, the player would get another card, except when it is dark, in which case he'd have to give it back.

4. Some people say there's no point in holding elections because we all know the Annenberg Foundation (which is a front for CIA, FBI, NSA, CFR, CBS, AFL-CLO, NFL, KOC, LDS, and the Department for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice) has the goods on the DNC, RNC, and Dr. Ron Paul.

5. Some people say it doesn't matter, for all long as George Bush signs the Proper Executive Orders, he can nullify the election, dissolve Congress, demand the Constitution be interpreted only as he says so, and order that summer linger through September.


So the time is now (or at least before January 8, and definitely before January 20, but there's no reason to stop then, either) to decide upon the Grand Unifying Theory Of Why Obama Can't Be President (Other Than I Have A Blog And Say So).

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